I kept telling myself that I'd go back and hit all the points I didn't get to before, and that I'd go through my photos and post more, especially since y'all don't really know much about my time in Georgia... then life hit and I got busy and lazy. Let's see how much I can get through before I set out on this summer's adventure... Think of it as a countdown of sorts... and a way to kill time during my many layovers...
A lot changed in me while I was gone, and when I initially got back, I never wanted to those changes to go away. Well, unfortunately most of those changes fell by the way side eventually. A lot has also happened in my life since I got back. I moved into my 1st big girl 1 bedroom apartment, taught 2 levels of Russian, was awarded a scholarship to study Russian this summer with CLI in Kyrgyzstan, successfully passed one of my Master's comprehensive exams, majorly mucked up my life and career path, saw some of my favorite country singers in concert, had 2 of my friends from CLI come visit, went on my 1st real date, very nearly fell in love, had my heart broken more times than I can count, ended numerous friendships, nurtured old friendships, forged new friendships, and added 2 more bridesmaids dresses to the collection. I've technically graduated from FSU, yet technically haven't and am still sorting out that mess. I take my last exam in less than a week, 2 days later I leave Tallahassee for good.
Now I'm packing up my apartment and putting everything into storage indefinitely, reevaluating how much I actually wanted to pursue a PhD, starting the job hunt, and literally running away from my problems with this adventure to Kyrgyzstan this summer. My wallet hates me, my credit cards love me, and I'm coming to terms with being in debt for the rest of my life. I'm trying to view this all as an opportunity to really enjoy being the person I am right now: young, intelligent, unattached, and adventurous.
Perhaps one of the biggest struggles I've had this year, is with the feeling and fear of being trapped. My original post graduation plans have fallen through, and now I'm stuck looking for a job that I hadn't considered. I'm terrified of getting stuck in a rut again. I'm reluctant to settle for a job that only allows 2 weeks of vacation time, if that. I don't want to be trapped in a job I don't love, but took just to pay the bills - tied down to a life-sucking demon of a job, stagnant, and if I'm lucky, complacent. The silver linings of the biggest heartbreaks I suffered last semester have become apparent, and that fear of being trapped is driving me to make not just the best of the situation, but to thrive in spite of it. I refuse to settle for a life I'm not happy with.
Why do I fear being trapped so much? Because I wasted so much of my life before taking the leap and going somewhere, anywhere, let alone leaving my comfort zone. I spent years working for a terrible company, in a position that was the lowest on the payroll and respect meter, even though I had more degrees than my supervisors. I spent my undergraduate years trying to be responsible, racking up as little debt as possible, and taking classes all summer long so I could finish 2 degrees as young as possible. Those summers were the prime time for me to have just gone anywhere. This is the last of those summers for me - I'm determined not to waste it. I can't believe how much time I spent bored around Tallahassee when I could have gone anywhere else and found an adventure. While I feel I appreciate these adventures more because I'm older, I regret not starting earlier. This may be my last chance to not just travel abroad, but to live abroad, to have the chance to experience another culture in depth and be accepted into it. It may be my last chance, but I sure hope not...
Why do I fear being trapped so much? Because I wasted so much of my life before taking the leap and going somewhere, anywhere, let alone leaving my comfort zone. I spent years working for a terrible company, in a position that was the lowest on the payroll and respect meter, even though I had more degrees than my supervisors. I spent my undergraduate years trying to be responsible, racking up as little debt as possible, and taking classes all summer long so I could finish 2 degrees as young as possible. Those summers were the prime time for me to have just gone anywhere. This is the last of those summers for me - I'm determined not to waste it. I can't believe how much time I spent bored around Tallahassee when I could have gone anywhere else and found an adventure. While I feel I appreciate these adventures more because I'm older, I regret not starting earlier. This may be my last chance to not just travel abroad, but to live abroad, to have the chance to experience another culture in depth and be accepted into it. It may be my last chance, but I sure hope not...
My advice to you, dear readers, as I reflect on the year since embarking on the adventure of a lifetime:
Travel. Travel young. Travel far. Travel for an extended period of time. Travel like you'll never have to pay off your debt. Travel outside of your comfort zone. Travel despite fear, responsibility, and obligation. Most importantly, travel with an open mind and open heart. Let travel change you.
So, here's to the world, and to experiencing as much of it as I can. Here's to finding a career that won't tie me down or trap me in one place. Here's to the longest word in the Russian language (достопримечательности) and all of the new ones I'll see this summer. Here's to long layovers and even longer flights. Here's to the kindness of strangers. Here's to the bonds forged amid a foreign culture, and all the unforgettable sights and experiences. Here's to the people who make us feel safe, at home, and loved. Here's to open homes, and open families with open hearts and open minds. Here's to changing for the better. Here's to travel...
