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| Churchkhela, aka Georgian Snickers |
You know how we, as girls, always are taught to be nice? That's bullshit. Stop being nice. You just need to say no. A good stern no will do you wonders. You don't have to deal with people bothering you to buy things or go places. You especially don't have to put up with sexual harassment. Stop trying to be subtle to get men to stop bothering you. Just tell them no. Most often, their pride will be so hurt that they just walk away with their tail tucked between their legs. Making up a boyfriend or husband that you're on your way to see won't work. (Believe me, I've tried.) Just honestly telling the guy that you have to go, because you're meeting friends won't work either. Just tell them no, you don't want to talk. If they touch you - make a fucking scene. If another foreigner sees this scene, and can tell that you are also a foreigner, guess what? They WILL intervene. Hopefully it wouldn't get to that point though. Again, the whole pride thing... if you start yelling in a language that they don't understand, or even in their native tongue, they will often be so embarrassed that they'll walk away and hope no one noticed. This works back home as well - girls, you know how we always watch out for each other and "save" each other from creepers when we're at the club? There's no reason we should have to swoop in and rescue each other. Just give the creeper a good stern no. How will he learn otherwise? I've begun to rant... anyway, the moral of the story is to just say no.
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| Prague wouldn't have been so hard to leave if not for these fantastic strangers |
Blanche DuBois (A Streetcar Named Desire for you non theatre nerds) wasn't entirely naive, or crazy. When you get to traveling, especially alone, you start to realize that the world isn't entirely made up of terrible, evil, people who are out to hurt you. Here's my most recent example - When I got on the bus from the airport in Tbilisi, it was 7am. I had been at the airport since 4am. I had been traveling for a good 12 hours at that point. I was dazed, and travel tired. I didn't even have a low enough denomination of lari to pay for the bus ride. I could barely even speak Russian at that point. Out of nowhere, someone pays the 50 tetri (half of 1 lari, $.21) for my bus ride, helps me settle in with my bags at the back of the bus and asks where I need to get off, so he can help me. He could have just told me where my stop is. Nope. He went above and beyond that. While I was worried he meant that he was going to help me carry my bags all the way to my hostel (which seemed like a terrible idea), he just helped me get my bags off the bus, and wished me well. He got off the bus long before his stop just to help. Did it make my day? You bet. Did it make his day? I think so, judging by the smile he had on his face the whole time. Should you still be a little wary of strangers? Yes. Should you use your best judgement, and also accept their generous help? Heck yes! Remember how when we were little, we were always taught not to talk to strangers? That goes out the window when you grow up, especially when you travel extensively. Every friend, every partner in crime, every lover, every adventure buddy, every love - was once a stranger. Strangers can make life so much better, if you let them.
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| Oh Istanbul... Who wouldn't love this place? This country? It's simply magical... |
On the night that I left him, someone dear to me told me that he thought I was brave for what I've been doing. I laughed it off, because to me, this isn't brave. Brave would be staying in one place, getting a steady job, and facing my responsibilities. Running is cowardice. Yet, the thought of staying in one place for more than 3 months terrifies me. That's because this life has changed me. You're especially more brave if you grow to love similar places to those that I have. You know how often I've had people message me, out of nowhere, worried about me because of something they saw on the news? More times than I'd like to count. Does that scare me? No. There was terrorist activity while I was in Bishkek, did I ever feel in danger? No. There was a terrorist attack in Istanbul just before I went back there - concerned? No. The attacks in Ankara, the rioting on the streets in Istanbul, the tension filled elections, the situation between Russia and Turkey while I lived behind the Russian consulate - fear? No. It's exciting, and painful at the same time. I booked my flight to Paris shortly before the terror attacks in Paris, my family freaked out - my reaction - Why aren't more people concerned about what happened in Ankara? Where are all the Turkish flags on peoples profiles? WHY ARE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE REST OF THE WORLD!? - And yes, I judged every single person on my feed who had a French flag over their profile picture, with the exception of my friends who have significant ties to France (aka, those living or who have lived there). My reaction to the terror attack in Istanbul? - Why am I not there to be with the people I love, in the city I love, when such a thing has happened? - When you begin to love another culture this strongly, you care less about your well being and more for your desire to be back where you feel such a strong connection. I've been thinking this latest exile is a great opportunity for me to travel Turkey by land - am I afraid to go to Ankara? To Gaziantep? To Izmir? No. I want to experience that beautiful country while I have the opportunity. Is this carelessness? Recklessness? Perhaps. Love? Bravery? Certainly.
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| Did you really think I sat alone and had 2 litres of beer at Hoffbrauhaus? |
This doesn't just go for the countries that you travel to, it goes for your actions in each of them. Most people don't think I'm shy, or reserved, or conservative, but SURPRISE! I am. So, when it comes to either asking someone if they would like to grab dinner with me, or going alone - I'd usually chose to go alone. When the opportunity arises - push yourself to ask someone to do something, or ask if you can tag along. What's the worst that could happen? You feel unwelcome around the people that you went with? Who's fault is that? Chances are - not yours. Sometimes, just asking someone who's sitting alone at a table if you can join them, leads to you making a new friend, a ridiculous adventure, or at least having great company for the night. You know what it doesn't lead to? Regrets.
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| Shenanigans captured in the moment, to remember, forever. |
5 - Take selfies shamelessly.
Take photos of yourself, and whether they like it or not, take them with your friends. Take them often. Take them when you look your worst. When you look your best. Take them when you're goofing around - when you're serious - just take them. So what if you never post them to social media? Or if you do, who cares if people are seeing too much of your beautiful face? You don't want to find yourself wishing one day that you could see the faces of your friends together with your own just one more time. Whether you look glamorous or frumpy - you'll want to see yourselves together. You may not realize it when you should be taking them, but you'll want to look back at those times one day, especially when you're happy. Look back. Remember the love. Smile.
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| Just maybe only say yes to absinthe once... per night... |
Sometimes you'll feel like curling up with some Netflix, or a book, and not want to talk to anyone. You'll be in such a foul mood that just hearing other people talk will make you want to punch things, or you'll be so sad that all you want to do is cry... but if someone invites you somewhere, just say yes. That concert, or party, or dinner that the stranger at your hostel invited you out to, can lead to a new friendship. They could be going through the same thing you are, or already have gone through it, and have some insight to help you. Or, you could just have a blast. Say yes. More often than not, saying yes has led to wonderful things.
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| Beer with a sunset view... alone. Perfection. |
Learning how to date yourself is one of the best things you'll ever do. It doesn't matter if you're travelling alone, living alone, or just trying to grow the f up. If you can't enjoy being with yourself, dating yourself, how can you expect someone else to do it? Treat yourself to something that makes you feel good, a manicure, a massage, a nice dinner, an art show, whatever. Every now and then, take yourself out on a date. You'll feel better about yourself. You'll feel more comfortable with yourself. And you know what? Other people will be drawn to that. So many men can't believe it when I tell them I went to the movies alone, or took myself to a romantic restaurant alone. They're intrigued, and yes, a little intimidated, but more fascinated with a woman who can love herself enough not to wait for a man to take her out on such dates. But that's not the most important aspect of this - the most important part is that you realize these things - that you are comfortable with yourself. You aren't afraid to take matters into your own hands, and to do things on your own. You'll be more proud of yourself than anyone else could be.
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| How many people have learned how to build a yurt? |
With extensive travel comes comfort in the most uncomfortable of situations. Comfort leads to a sense of the mundane... Remember, what you have seen and done is extraordinary. Most people you meet in your life will not ever go to the same places you have, see the same things, meet the same array of people. Chances are, they'll never leave their comfort zone. Your experiences are not ordinary. You'll also meet people who are far more traveled than you, and who you think are far more cultured than you, or have had a much more interesting journey than you, and that may incite some jealousy. I'm guilty of it. Some of my best friends, and partners in crime in my travels, make me so jealous of them to the point of getting upset with them, but I need to remember that their travels are not my travels. We all have had different experiences. None of our travels are better than the other's. They are each unique.
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| Talk to a stranger. Say yes. Leave comfort zone. Love. Just love. |
The wise words of Nat King Cole's "Nature Boy"... It doesn't matter if it's the love of friends, a new host family, or romantic love - just love. Believe that you are worthy of being loved, and always keep yourself open to love. It comes at unexpected times, in unexpected places, but you won't experience that joy if you aren't open to it. You may have your heart broken several times, but when someone comes into your life who realizes how amazing you are, you'll be so happy not to have missed out because you kept yourself guarded. Love without reservation - without hesitation. Love like you've never been hurt. Love like there's no tomorrow. Love like it will last forever. Love because it's the only thing that can heal this world we live in. Love because a life without it isn't worth living. Love because with each heartbreak, you're one step closer to finding someone who will appreciate how quickly, and freely, you love.
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| Perhaps the best view of Istanbul that you can get - from the top of Galata tower at sunset. Again... simply magical. |
So... There you have it, 9 months later... I've learned a lot. I've experienced so much more growth than I would have if I had stayed in the US. I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot of heartache to go through. But I also still have a lot of strangers to meet, people and cultures to open my heart to, adventures to have, and memories to make. Here's to the most challenging, and wonder filled 9 months of my life. And here's to many, many more.
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| A hidden little gem of a waterfall in the old town of Tbilisi |
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