8 Dating Struggles Faced by Travelers

If you travel extensively, and for long enough, you’re bound to break into the dating scene in some form or another. These are just a few of the struggles I’ve experienced or witnessed in my travels so far:

8 – “Summer Lovin’ – Happened So” – NOPE! 

Squad - the main reason my summer was great - bonds worth keeping for life!

So you’re somewhere new for the summer, it could be summer camp, an internship, a long vacay, or ::cough:: an intensive language program ::cough:: it’s bound to cross your mind eventually… the summer love… something you see in bad teen movies all the time, something that secretly you’ve wanted since you were in middle school… So you find yourself somewhere different. Somewhere that no one knows you – the PERFECT opportunity to recreate yourself! You dress a bit nicer, care a bit more about your appearance, try out different personality traits, or tone down on some… sure enough within a week everyone starts pairing off… except you… You are the cheese. You stand alone. You watch your friends catch feelings while you awkwardly sit around as the 3rd wheel, wondering when it will finally be your turn... This summer was the 1^st time that I didn’t have that issue. Why? Because I found a squad of fierce bitches who didn’t have time or energy for all the drama that comes with summer flings for a change. The prior 2 summers were like a Soap Opera... Seriously, you can't write the kind of stuff that happened... I'm glad there wasn't a season 3... I felt far better about myself this summer than I did the past 2. Yes, I’m happy to see my friends happy when things are going well in their flings, but I also feel lonely, left out, unwanted. This year, probably for the 1^st time ever, I never felt like I was left out, or inviting myself to go along somewhere. Squad wanted me there as much as I wanted to be with them. Squad reunion someday will be epic… provided we can remember any of it.

7 – Language Barriers. 

Ain’t they a bitch? Like at first you think “ooh… we don’t need to talk, we’ll let the chemistry, and our bodies do all the talking” but eventually you realize that without the ability to have a proper conversation with this person, the chemistry doesn’t really flow, and body language can’t make up for that entirely… especially if they don’t really have the kind of moves to get you going, and you can’t give them much guidance, because you know… neither of you know the proper vocabulary in the other’s language… He may be straight gorgey on tinder, but when he can’t say more than 5 words to you in a language you understand, and he’s not a smooth operator, those 6 pack abs just can’t make up for it. And that’s a shame. It won’t stop you from trying now and then, but you’ll just remember this point every time and wonder why you thought this time would be any different.

6 – Cultural Differences That Just Can’t Be Overcome. 

Ay me! Such ill fated timing! My love! My life! My stranger!

You meet someone, and they’re great. You’re having fun, you think about what life could be like if things lasted a while, then you start to realize that there are things about their culture that you cannot grow accustomed to, and if things were to work out, you would hate having to deal with. Some examples: serious impatience, or over-eagerness to meet... men who believe that fathers should play no role in parenting, men who are total momma’s boys – you’re never gonna be good enough in momma’s eyes… Premarital sex – you’re okay with it, he says he’s okay with it, then he sends you on a guilt trip for tempting him so much… of course, it's hard to find a place to even have sex, since chances are, he still lives at home, because you know, that's normal until he starts his own family, and even then, the in-laws may still live with you! Household roles again – you like to cook, but it’s not solely YOUR job, same with cleaning and raising of the babies… Speaking of babies – aren't you a little old to not be married and have children? And well marriage – just because you’ve been nice to a man, he goes straight to the marriage line of thought, because why else would a woman be nice to a man? She MUST want him. She MUST love him. Slow ya roll bro… we’ve only chatted on Couchsurfing/met once, stop acting like we are fated to be together.

5 – Hostel Life. 

Nothing says business time like pink bunkbeds! ;-)

You’ve grown to not care that you’re sleeping in the same room as 7 dudes on a regular basis. When it starts to smell you just open a window, and you’ve seen more man panties than you’ve ever wanted to, but it’s the norm now. Whatever. However, when you do meet someone, you can’t take them back to yours - there are 7 other dudes in there! What’s worse? When he’s a traveler too… because he can’t take you back to his either. Some people don’t mind bunkbed sex, but if you’re sticking around a bit longer than a few days, that could lead to some awkward encounters in the common room… Sometimes you get lucky and meet the person you’re attracted to at your hostel, which is great – you’re both already home – but where can you go to fool around? Try that hallway, or that dark corner – nope not as dark as you thought, uhhh… see if someone’s room is empty or if one of you have a bed hidden away enough so if you’re really quiet… nope – beds are in the open and the rooms are full of people shit… uhhh… elevator? No… people are gonna want to use that… bathroom! YEAH! BATHROOM! How romantic?! While sneaking around can be a ton of fun, it gets really frustrating if you’ve somehow started developing feelings for each other in such a short period of time, and literally just want to BE together. Just the 2 of you. What options do you really have? Try to find a last minute hotel room and both of you end up paying for 2 places to stay that night? Pay outrageous prices to get upgraded to a private room at your hostel, if one is even available? Maybe you’ll get lucky and the person working the front desk can put the 2 of you into a room that’s not occupied for some reason (beware of that one… there’s probably a reason no one’s been placed in that room yet ie. bedbugs). Sometimes it’s totally worth it, but still frustrating, and you waste more time trying to figure out how to be alone together, than you actually get to enjoy spending alone together.

4 – It’s Over Before It Even Had A Chance.

A magical view, made even more special because of the company kept...

Being a traveler implies just that – Travel. You never intend to stay in one place long enough to actually have a proper relationship. While you’ve gotten used to just enjoying life and being happy when you can, the person who will inevitably be left behind may not be able to bring themselves to live by the same mantra. They see this as going nowhere from the start, while you see it as potential for an incredibly happy time period full of amazing memories with someone who you will always hold dear, in a place that now seems magical. You’ve grown to see the beauty in something short term and intense… they, on the other hand, are actually looking for something more long term. Or, they don’t want something serious or long term at all when it starts, but the more time they spend around you, they can’t deny how awesome you are, and can’t keep it casual. You tell them when you meet that you’re here for a few weeks, or even a few months, and once what they thought would just be casual fun starts to turn into something more – they run. They shut it down. Why? Because they’ve foreseen that this isn’t going to work. They know they can’t convince you to stay, and they don’t want to be the one hurt at the end of everything.

3 – One Of You Catches Feelings.

Forever a reminder of the night I met my hardest goodbye. (cue bittersweet smile)

You’re gonna feel like a jerk if it’s not you. Occasionally, realizing that someone may be getting attached will open you up to having serious feelings as well, which creates another mess on its own. Sometimes, you’re the one who catches the feelings, and it’s wonderful, then suddenly terrible when you realize that only 1 of you caught them. If both parties aren’t on board the feeling train, someone is going to get hurt, no matter what. This is where we learn that open, honest, communication is absolutely necessary at all times, even if it feels awkward or out of place. We learn that we need to talk about these things, so everyone is on the same page.

2 – The Sad Goodbye.

Even if you both knew that it could only be a short term fling, and you don’t regret a second of it, and every minute you spent together was perfect and beautiful – at some point, somewhere inside, that goodbye is going to be sad. You may not cry, because you see the beauty in the whole thing, but damn, you’re gonna miss him. You’re gonna walk by all the places where you stopped for a kiss and smile, and hope that you can find someone like that again. Should you have developed feelings (even if you’re the only party to do so)… well… I’m so sorry… that goodbye is going to be more messy than you ever imagined. I’m talking ugly crying in public. A people stopping to ask if you’re okay – level of ugly crying. Be prepared. Bring tissues, or risk covering your favorite shirt in tears and snot and mascara.

At least we'll always have each other <3

1 – It’s All About Me!

I am NOT going to date anyone – you fully intend for this trip/country/city/leg of your adventure to be all about you. To get your thoughts together. To get your life on track. To experience things for YOU. Then SHIT – who is this striking up a conversation with me? It would be rude if I didn’t try to enjoy the conversation… And all of that goes out the window in favor of just being happy. Sometimes it ends well, sometimes the goodbye is bittersweet and beautiful, sometimes you end up more hurt than you’ve ever been, and your life is in more of a mess than it was before you left. Your intentions were good. Kudos to you for not actively looking for someone to spend time/fool around with. And bravo for being open to the opportunity to love and be happy. Don’t regret it. Don’t regret any of it. You can have your alone time some other time. This experience is helping you to grow, and to realize what it is you want in life.

I’m sure I’ll meet people who have had more struggles for me to add to this list, and there are certainly far more struggles in store for me in the future. But, with every experience comes a bit more wisdom, or at least another story to tell...